Wednesday, December 28, 2011

New Years Resolutions To Keep

I wish I could claim this, but alas, it came for Made my day too much to not pass on :-)

Resolve to drink more wine.
Stop thinking of it as "drinking the whole bottle" and start thinking of it as "getting all of the antioxidants."

Resolve to stimulate the economy. totally counts as the economy. Go ahead! Get the parka. Get six! They come in that many colors for a reason. Eat your heart out, Occupy movement.

Resolve to be less selfish.
There are only about 12 treadmills at your gym, and there are always at least 20 people who want to use them. Take one for the team: Stay home and eat pizza rolls!

Resolve to obsess about bangs.
Whether you have them and are forced to constantly maintain them, or you're simply obsessing about getting them, this is easy to do. Commit to emailing your best friend once a week with a picture of a different celebrity’s great-looking bangs, with subject lines like: "Yes? No??"

Resolve to learn the Spanish word for ladle.
It's cucharon! There! You're done.

Resolve to use fewer industrial chemicals.
You're not avoiding cleaning the toilet; you’re protecting the environment. There's probably a way to apply this philosophy to laundry and dusting too.

Resolve to watch everything in your DVR.
Don’t you hate it when people complain about falling behind on their DVR watching? Don’t be one of those people.

Resolve to obsessively check the Facebook pages of your exes.
Facebook profiles are troves of information! Think of them as educational tools. The next time you need a good quote about Gandhi and one rolls off your tongue, you can thank yourself for having read your philosophy PhD ex's profile 13,000 times

No comments:

Post a Comment