Deception of Social Media

With the Internet we have all the world at our finger tips. Yet with the over abundance of social media we fall into the trap of comparing our everyday lives to someone else’s highlight reel.

Let’s be realistic. We don’t have fun, memorable evenings with our closest friends every night. We don’t work out every day, have the greatest, problem-free love story, eat only amazing meals, and travel non-stop. Even pilots’ wives don’t travel constantly, despite what you interpret from our Instagrams.

A pilot’s wife’s life is not easy or always filled with jet setting. We have plenty of lonely, rainy nights like tonight. We go to many parties and weddings alone. We nurse ourselves and our babies back from sicknesses and surgeries alone. It’s not easy, but we have learned to work really hard.

Sometimes, to help get through those exhausting and stressful days, we have getaways where we fly standby to hopefully catch a few rays and sight see. We cross our fingers that we get there and not loose money on hotel reservations because we are spending the evening in an airport in Appleton, WI. It is a perk, but I’ve had many trips where we spent more time trying to get home than we actually spent in our destination.

But on social media, all you see are the pictures. I have found myself not posting things I would like to share with my family and friends because of passive aggressive comments that stem from jealousy. My intention is to never make people feel badly or cause hurt feelings but simply to share in exciting times, the same way I like to see when my friends get promotions, new homes, married, or babies. I hate that we have created a society that retreats to jealousy before rejoicing. I hate that people feel the need to make themselves look better so they can feel better about themselves.

I don’t mean to sound negative. I know that I live a charmed life and I like to share it with those close to me. I want to be able to share my blessings, but people don’t always see behind the cover. This is for more than just pilots’ wives. You never know what someone has gone through to get where they are. You may judge people by their choices, but you don’t know what they had to choose from. So when in doubt, choose love and joy and I promise life gets more beautiful.

Note whore

I'm a sucker for notes. Mailed, hidden, left on the counter, written on the mirror from the shower steam. My husband is often the victim of my obsession on making sure people know what I think of them through the written word. For birthdays, Christmas, anniversary, national ice cream day, my husband gets a card. Usually more than one. I hide them in his bag, fold them into paper airplanes, put glitter in them. I'm like a five year old on speed at a craft store with a credit card. 

In addition I have a ridiculous amount of stationary and personalized letterhead. But this week I couldn't resist. I saw these sticky notes and can't wait to hide them in DH's bag. Hehe ... I'm going to drive him nuts ... But I can't use them for anyone else so he better just suck it up and appreciate it! 

D Day

Oh the dangers of departure day. 

DH started long haul almost three years ago. Since then, I am starting to realize I respond in so many different ways. Regional lines I had no problem with, but heading into a trip knowing it's about 18 days is more difficult. 

Reaction one - picking fights. The night before he leaves, typically when he's packing, I get frustrated and angry over stupid stuff. Finally my understanding husband simply sighed and said, "you're anxious because I'm leaving tomorrow." Lightbulb. He was completely right. Any issue that has come up I want to discuss and resolve that night instead of enjoying the time together. Last night hubs avoided that by promptly taking me for ice cream. He knows he's audience. 

Reaction two - physically ill. I didn't realize the correlation till recently. The human body continues to amaze me with how it reacts. 

Reaction three - sweat it away. This is my go-to. I hit the gym for a few hours. I release endorphins and feel better about myself. Definitely my most healthy reaction. 

Reaction four - self-indulgence. Direct inverse relationship with number three, but sometimes wings or queso just make you feel better. 

Reaction  - retail therapy. I always feel the need to treat myself. Pedicure, new top, something. Something physical to distract me from being emotional. Such was the case today. I perhaps took it a little extreme today. The sunny skies and warm air had me ona roll at the outlets. Oh well, I'll just inform hubs after his next leg ... When he's in Honolulu. 

Lucky, lucky readers

Lets be honest about this ... I suck at blogging. Partly because of the nature of this blog. Every time I sit to write I'm motivated by frustration. Who wants to read a blog that's completely made up of venting? But I guess in all reality I never wrote this for anyone but myself and to be apart of the airline wives community. 

When I was in high school, there was a website called Teen Open Diary. It was a precursor to MySpace and even Blogs ... And I was obsessed. Why? I think mostly for the therapy in all of it. Not that you necessarily need, or want, anyone to read. More to put it in the universe and hope that karma, the good kind, comes back to you. 

So with that, I will write more. PLUS,!8 just discovered the Blogger app. Now I can blog while I pee. Aren't you lucky readers?

10 Minutes

I'm a sucker for resolutions. I write them down, organize them, write out a twelve step program that will ensure success ... and that's it. I spend more time thinking of ways to improve myself then I actually spend adhering to the new habit. I am that statistic and running joke. I'm ok with that. At least I realize there are imrovements I can make.

However, this year I'm trying to fight the urge to make a list. As I write this, I already have things popping in my head. Spinning three times a week. Write 15 minutes a day. Stop playing with your hair. It's a sickness really, I'm always talking about what to do and I never do it. Even my husband even notes my obsessive Pinning habit and lack of finished projects.

So this year I'm going to focus not on making resolutions or plans, but to focuse on 10 minutes. Not planning months or years, but taking responsibility for make the healthiest, wisest, kindest, Godliest decisions in the next ten minutes. I can control the next couple weeks as much as I can control the weather, but I can control the decisions I make right now.

So with that thought, I will go eat more sugar cookies. January 1 is right around the corner after all....

Broke

When I was in third grade, my best friend was kidnapped, stabbed twice, and left to die in the woods. I remember my small eight year old mind sitting in the bathroom stale at school replying the words the teaching said over and over in my head. "They don't know where she is, but don't assume the worst." It was that moment that I realized something could be terribly wrong and I may never see my best friend again.

The events in Newton take me back to that time in my life. The wondering, the pain, the questions. It's something that stays with you your entire life, no matter how old you are when it happens. Even up to my wedding day, I thought about the time on the play ground where her and I talked about our weddings in a little girl way. No talk about boys, rather more about the pretty dresses and promising each other that we would be each others bridesmaids. My wedding day has come and gone, and I thought about my friend many times through that day, saddened by the thought she never got to experience love or have her first kiss. 

When you go through loosing a good friend at a young age, every exciting milestone is marked with sadness and almost guilt, knowing they never had the same privilege. Even at 8 I remember thinking I should have asked her to spend the night that evening and maybe it would have been someone else. Not that it would have been better, but in my young selfish mind, I would still have my friend.

So when I heard the news about Sandy Hook in Newtown, Connecticut, my heart broke and broke and broke. I cried and got a headache from crying. I can't do anything but relate it to my frame of reference and realize the young lives that will forever have scars. They will go through life thinking of not one friend, but of multiple friends and even how a teacher died so that they could live. I pray with all my heart those tiny children and families find peace and comfort in Jesus as I did, because that's the only way to deal with the pain. 

There may be commotion around the politics, motives, policies, and so many other frivolous things. In my mind there is one thing that hurts the most, and it's that a little girl lost her best friend and was there to witness the entire event. My heart breaks, because in no fathomable hell should any child have to learn to cope with that. 

My prayer is that these children learn to heal and rely on God, because there is no other answer. 

How do I do it? Not alone.

I can say pretty much ever year of my adult life I have thought, "wow, how could I ever top that year?!" Don't get me wrong, I've had many difficult times in my life, but somehow God always showed up and reminded me that I wasn't doing it alone. So for the first time, at least in a while, I can look back and say, "man, that year was ROUGH."

End of 2011 husband got a new job at a long haul company, he's always been regional. I got a fantastic promotion I had been working for for about two - three years. An exciting time, and stressful. As husband adjusted, I tried to adjust. And we will both admit it was hard. I had people watching my every step, waiting for me to fail. And he was only home about 8 days a month.

The people I thought would be there to support, encouraging, and pray for me ... weren't. People that I would have said a year ago will be around no matter what ... weren't.

But God knew when I needed it. He never let me get past my breaking point. Right when I was about to crumble, others showed up. Right when I was at the end and didn't know what to do, I would get a text, call, or even a letter in the mail! There were many instances that those simple messages would bring tears to my eyes because I just needed a reminder of who I was in Christ. These God connections were there to let me vent, yell, and sometimes cry. Yes. I will admit. There have been tears this year.

I was sitting at work this week and just laid my head on my desk with tears in my eyes. I was an absolute emotional mess, to the point that I couldn't concentrate enough to get work done. After a few hours of this trying to focus with no success, I grabbed my notebook and wrote, "It's ok. I'm having a weak day, but that just means He gets to be strong. And there is beauty in that."

So maybe I should take back my opening. Perhaps this hasn't been such a difficult year. I prayed to God to protect me from my enemies ... so I lost friends. I asked God to make me strong enough to handle this situation ... and He made me weak so His Spirit was strong in me.

I Dance Because I Can

Did your parents ever say something so much that it drove you crazy?? I remember my brother and I rolling our eyes when mom would say any of the following:

"You shall have what you say."

"Only boring people are bored."

"Sounds waves never die."

"Life and death are in the tongue."

"To have a friend you have to be a friend."

And more recently,

"I dance because I can."

You see, at one time doctors thought that my mom had only a 2% chance to live. Best case scenario was she would be a vegetable. That was in 1998.

Now you would never know my mom was different then any other person. Always compassionate to those she meets. My dad said she has a gift to befriend and love "the really weird people," to use his terms. That's definitely a gift.

She functions just like any other person, other then some left peripheral vision loss, which after 13 years she has perfected the usage of what she does have. She walks fine, talks fine. You would never have a clue what she has been through.

Thirteen years ago, Patti (that's Patti with an "i," mind you) had been at work when she had a head ache. Since we homeschooled, she had picked up one night shift a week at the local telephone company answering phones. That was her spending money and "get these kids out of my hair" time. She got a piercing headache. She started to forget how to answer her phone. Her co-workers had her lay on the floor.

The ambulance came and asked her where she wanted to go. She told them St. Elizabeth. By the time they got her to the elevator they made the split decision she wouldn't make it. She had tensed and her eyes were glassy. They took her to the hospital up the road.

Upon arriving, one of the best neuro-surgeon teams was in the hospital that evening during their time off. They requested a few MRIs but quickly determined there wasn't time. They scrubbed in and went in blind.

Afterwards we found out there was a blood vessel that was feeding a brain tumor on the right lobe on her brain. The blood vessel had an aneurysm, basically causing an explosion of the lemon-sized tumor.

This whole fiasco landed Mom in the ICU for a week and only one more week in a normal room. 

Since then, she says she dances because she can. People may not realize all that she has been through or the dismal predicted outcome. Most don't know by looking at her fashionable wardrobe that it should take all her brain power to stand and sit, not put together such a classy look.

It's been an amazing 13 years seeing what she has overcome. Despite it all, it really only takes one phone call to bring you to your knees.

Right before Thanksgiving this year, it looked like an unrelated tumor grew on the left lobe of her brain. Right on the sinus artery. (From what I understand, a simple nick could cause her to bleed out in 30 seconds.) It was crippling the entire right side of her body. Without telling even our close extended family or pastoral staff, she went in, had the tumor removed and was home in two nights.

She now, again, has full mobility. We worried about partial paralysis but she taught herself excercises that helped her gain full mobility.

Through the determination and faith, my mom was able to dance like David against all odds. She dances because she can. Every day, when I go for a jog or take the steps at work, I do it because I can and I do it for the thousands that can't. God gave me a gift, so every day I plan to use those gifts. Because I can.

Product Push for our Pilots

Ok ladies, just have to share my discovery that has been great for my pilot. He recently transitioned to international flying and is gone up to 23 days at a time. Our men are good at packing, but this really is a stretch. My husband is also so sweet in the fact that he likes to have his laundry done when he gets home so not to dump it all on the floor when we sometimes have a few day turn around!

Purex Complete 3-in-1

These Purex Complete sheets are awesome. Husband will throw a few in a little baggy and he has his detergent, softener and dryer sheet all in one. He is very picky about his products and loves these!

Ok, that is all. :-) Just had to share!

Are you real?

I love children’s books. Love them. Some are silly, but some really take life lessons and make them so simple. Sometimes I think adults would benefit if they went back and read their old children’s books to really understand life. Lets face it, as adults we sometimes loose the basics in the shuffle.


Over the past few weeks I've been pondering a few different topics, re-reading old text books as well as complex philosophers like C.S. Lewis and Emerson in order to further my understanding. That's when I ran across one of my favorite children's book, The Velveteen Rabbit.

So, in celebration of child-like simplicity and clarity, I've included my favorite passage about love that I just revisited this afternoon.

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."


"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."


"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.

But the Skin Horse only smiled.

Reflections of 2011

When you hit 28 or 39, I hear there is a divide that takes place. Two kinds of people emerge. One side are the people that used their 20's to grow, learn and determine who they were. They found God for themselves. Found their dreams. They know what works, what doesn't. They've pushed themselves to go through the pain and become a real, live adult and realize that it's a beautiful thing.

The other side are those stuck in college, or heaven forbid, high school. They've stayed at dead-end jobs they've hated because of fear of taking a risk. They are in relationships that are good enough, but aren't amazing. They mean to find a church, develop intimate friendships, and stop drinking like life's a big frat party. But they don't do those things and continue to live in an extended adolescents.

This past year I can look back and say I can be content and that I am proud of the life I'm living.


In 2011, I've crossed the gap from from mid- to late-20s. In that transition, if it even qualifies as one, I've happily found a balance between the season of wildness and season of settledness. I've heard so many times that life is too short to stress yourself with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in your life, but this past year my soul actually learned it and life has become so much more beautiful.

So because of that, I walk closely with people I love, that believe God is good and life is a beautiful adventure. I don't get stuck in the past and I don't try to fast-forward into a future that I haven't yet earned. I give today all the love, intensity and courage I can as I travel along life's path.

There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Discovering. Dreaming. Not loosing myself in immature adventures and not loosing myself on the corporate ladder. I've found a balance that allows me to stop every once in a while and go out with an old friend for coffee or climb in bed with my journal and write till my heart stops bleeding.

I've embraced that imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. I've fully realized the uniqueness that you are taunted for all the way up through college is what people suddenly embrace and love. The uniqueness is what employers remember.

So this year, in the midst of all the accomplishments that I'm so proud of, I'm most proud of the fact that I'm growing and find the beauty in what God is making me. That every day he instill His divine sense of creativity in me and that I can use every part of good in me to give honor to Him.

It's been a wonderful year and I wonder how I could top it, then I realize I can't. I wouldn't have been able to plan all the beauty and accomplishments that happened this year, so why do I think I can comprehend this coming year. So I tear out my page in my notebook with "2012" scribbled across the top and leave a blank page and just hand it to God.

New Years Resolutions To Keep

I wish I could claim this, but alas, it came for thenest.com. Made my day too much to not pass on :-)

Resolve to drink more wine.
Stop thinking of it as "drinking the whole bottle" and start thinking of it as "getting all of the antioxidants."

Resolve to stimulate the economy.
JCrew.com totally counts as the economy. Go ahead! Get the parka. Get six! They come in that many colors for a reason. Eat your heart out, Occupy movement.

Resolve to be less selfish.
There are only about 12 treadmills at your gym, and there are always at least 20 people who want to use them. Take one for the team: Stay home and eat pizza rolls!

Resolve to obsess about bangs.
Whether you have them and are forced to constantly maintain them, or you're simply obsessing about getting them, this is easy to do. Commit to emailing your best friend once a week with a picture of a different celebrity’s great-looking bangs, with subject lines like: "Yes? No??"

Resolve to learn the Spanish word for ladle.
It's cucharon! There! You're done.

Resolve to use fewer industrial chemicals.
You're not avoiding cleaning the toilet; you’re protecting the environment. There's probably a way to apply this philosophy to laundry and dusting too.

Resolve to watch everything in your DVR.
Don’t you hate it when people complain about falling behind on their DVR watching? Don’t be one of those people.

Resolve to obsessively check the Facebook pages of your exes.
Facebook profiles are troves of information! Think of them as educational tools. The next time you need a good quote about Gandhi and one rolls off your tongue, you can thank yourself for having read your philosophy PhD ex's profile 13,000 times

I've Learned

I lifted this from the great Andy Rooney. I remember watching him as I grew up. There aren't many ten year olds that watch 60 Minutes much less children that want to hear Andy's perspective on life, but I loved it. He always had quips that were interesting, had so much common sense and were really grounded. Sometimes in our life we need to be grounded and remember what is important.


Hope you enjoy as much as I did. 


ENLIGHTENED PERSPECTIVE


I've learned... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.


I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.


I've learned... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' Makes my day.


I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.


I've learned ... That being kind is more important than being right.


I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.


I've learned... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.


I've learned... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.


I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.


I've learned... That simple walks with my father on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.


I've learned... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.


I've learned... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.


I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.


I've learned... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.


I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.


I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.


I've learned... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.


I've learned... That love, not time, heals all wounds.


I've learned... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.


I've learned... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.


I've learned... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.


I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.


I've learned... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.


I've learned... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.


I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom and Dad that I love them one more time before they passed away.


I've learned... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.


I've learned... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your look.


I've learned... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.


I've learned... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.


I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

There is difference in having color and looking like you rolled in Doritos....

Recently, I've really been bothered by the amount of young people that find the need to tan excessively and not acknowledge the dangers they are in or the long-term damage they are doing to themselves.

How To Scare Your Teenage Daughter Out of Tanning

This is a personal issue for me. My mom, who use to tan religiously, was diagnosed with melanoma and was very fortunate to catch it immediately. Her doctor said it could have killed her within two weeks since it spreads so rapidly.

In 2010, more then 2 million cases of skin cancer were diagnosed in this country. Of those, 68,130 cases were melanoma resulting in 11,790 DEATHS, with late stage detection having only a 15% survival rate. Main cause? From being exposed to UV rays.

Deadly as arsenic

Ultraviolet (UV) light is electromagnetic radiation that comes from the sun/tanning beds and generates endorphins. Endorphins generate a rush, such as one gets during exercise, excitement, pain and love. It produces a morphine-like feeling throughout the entire body which easily becomes addictive. This addiction of endorphins that comes through sunlight has been dubbed as "tanorexia," an addiction to tanning.

To me, this raises the question of difference between soliciting tanning and soliciting drugs, tobacco or alcohol. All are addictive. All harm your body and ultimately kill you with little benefit other then vain aspirations. I wish someone would find a difference, because honestly I don't like making that comparison. Unfortunately, in my mind, I can't see the difference.

Some argue that the sun has UV radiation, and it does, which is why it's important to exercise safety with sunscreen. In addition, I personally have always stood on Psalm 121:6 as a promise from God that "the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night." That is obviously a personally interpretation, but something God had given me peace about.

Others argue that tanning beds are a good source of vitamin D. Ok, first, can you tell me why you need vitamin D? I'm guessing no. Most don't understand the importance of vitamins in their diet. In my opinion, this is a weak excuse formulated by the tanning industry to come against the attacks on their industry.

Vitamin D assists in the absorption of calcium in order to avoid osteoporosis and builds up the immune system to protect against autoimmune diseases and cancer. VItamin D comes in the form of supplements, food (mostly plants but is often added to juices and dairy to supplement) and sun/tanning exposure. This made me wonder how much vitamin D is really necessary in a diet.

After some research, I found the recommended daily allowance of vitamin D is 200 IU per day until the age of 50 and 400 IU daily once you are over 50. You can get it through natural sunlight by only about 10 minutes of exposure, three times a week with only about 6-10% of your body exposed to the sun. This generates all the vitamin D you body needs for an entire week. I find it hard to believe a majority of people can't get that in addition to food. If concerned, vitamins are also available, which I actually think is cheaper then a tanning package.

In addition to the health concerns, tanning ages you so quickly and gives the worst wrinkles. Why do you think so many celebrities are on the paler side? This always confused me, people think tan is hot but celebrities aren't really tan.

Talk about tanning gone bad, yet Ann is stunning!

For some reason, this information offends people. I think everyone should understand what they are doing to their body and the long term effects. Understanding motives are also important. What are your motives? What are your addictions? Do they line up with what God would have for us?

Be smart people. Respect yourselves.

Best new website find, pilot wife must-have!

I must say this is the best website I've found in quite some time, other then Pinterest, which I'm beginning to think is more of a cult then website :-) *shameless plug....follow me.*

I recently discovered Cozi, which for the typically family saves a lot of time and offers a great space for organization.

For flying families, it is the ultimate must.

Basically the main page offers articles on food and meal planning, financial planning and links for samples and coupons.

To log in, each person in the family can use their own email address and the main family password. This main page hosts a family calendar, to-do lists, grocery list, journal and option to email other family members in a chat-like set-up. What's really cool is each family member can be identified with one specific color.

As a pilot's wife, I find this helpful in so many ways. My husband is a little paranoid and doesn't like me logging onto his company's website in fear I will acknowledge something that could be illegal or cause problems. This means I have a hard time keeping up with him. Now, he can just update it with his flying schedule, give or take a few stops. (BTW - this wouldn't have really been feasible at a regional, just because that's a lot of info to manually enter, but with the international flying he doesn't have multiple stops in one day.)

He can also stayed connected to my life by seeing what I'm up to. I can leave him notes in the journal and he can add "Oreos" to my shopping list so I know to have them when he gets home.

I highly recommend checking it out. Very easy to use and there is even a free app to go along with it!

Enjoy!

Drinking pilots

Genius. Good job buddy. Sometimes I wonder what people are thinking and if they ever give thought to the bad name they are giving to others. Always be aware of the reputation you could be giving to others.

Federal Judge Sentences Pilot

Ten Things NOT To Say To the Childless

Through the past few months, I have come to realize that a majority of my friends have taken the plunge to have kids. My husband doesn't seem to realize, or appreciate, how I've been bomboarded with ultrasound pictures and countdown timers, texts about the size their unborn child is now in relation to fruit, endless showers, names and meanings, and Pinterest postings just to name a few. How do men always avoid this type of thing?

This experience has taught me a few things, namely the ten things not to say to peers who don't have children. Here are a few and please share if there are any I didn't include.

1. "When will you finally have kids?"
Very common, especially if you have been married for more then a week. I understand many people are happy to be childfree or waiting, but sometimes the situation is more heartbreaking. A couple could be facing infertility or in the agonizing position of having a spouse who doesn't want children. Maybe theyare in a complex struggle over the issue. At a shower with many strangers listening in may not be the ideal place to bring it up.

2. "We always wanted to have a family."
This expression is a pet peeve of mine. I wasn't aware that "family" equaled "children." Does that mean people without kids are family-less? Family comes in many forms: significant others, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, neighbors -- happily, the list goes on!


3. "We only invited other parents." 
Child-free friends can sometimes feel isolated or excluded from their friends' lives. So invite us to birthday parties! Sure, there are some people who just don't like kids and have no desire to spend an afternoon surrounded by them. They can decline the invitation, and the rest of us will cheer when the birthday boy takes his first bite of cupcake. This can make couples feel included and that our relationship is valued and they want us to be apart of their child's lives. 

4. "You can go out every night"
If you had kids when you were on the younger side, you may have transitioned abruptly from staying out to night feedings and Yo Gabba Gabba -- and years later, you may assume that we're still acting like our crazy twentysomething selves. But just because we don't have kids doesn't mean we aren't growing up.

5. "You're so lucky you get to sleep in/shop/travel."
We understand that you give up a lot to be the amazing parent you are -- and we do appreciate our extra cash and free time, and yes, the sleep. But the constant offhand comments like this make us feel like you assume the reason we don't have children is that we're lazy, selfish, or shallow. The decision is never that simple. 

6. "This must be birth control for you."
Parents often make this joke when their kid is being loud or persistent, and we understand it's because you're worried the situation is bugging everyone around you. Don't stress -- a good friend understands that your kid is going to have a meltdown once in a while. We can take it. And, of course, a crying toddler is not actually a tipping point in our decision to have kids. We're not that shortsighted.

7. "Your dog/cat/parakeet is your baby."
Pets are a huge part of many people's lives, whether or not those people have children. But it feels like a consolation prize when you put it like this. I recently heard a co-worker say to another, "you are smart to stick with dogs" while dealing with a problem with their child. I don't really see them as interchangeable, and I'm sure your kids would appreciate it if you took that approach as well. 

8. "I can't die; I'm a mom."
During a recent brief terrorism scare in New York City, a friend said, "I have to get out -- I can't die; I'm a mom." We know you have someone depending on you in an unprecedented way, but there are people who love and depend on us, too.

9. "I'm sorry it's taken forever for me to call/email/text you back."
Don't start every correspondence with an apology. Your life is insane and letting us know you want to make time for us is appreciated. But don't stress so much: My life is busy too, and more often than not, I didn't even notice a lag.

10. "You wouldn't understand."
First off, this is just bad communication in any circumstance. Really, just retire this saying from your vocabulary. 


Second, there are many things about parenting you will turn to your mom friends to talk about. And, honestly, with anyone other than a close friend, that's probably best -- I lose interest fast when someone I don't know well talks too much about their kids. But when we're real friends, don't let our relationship fade because you're afraid of boring us with parenting stuff. Just like we used to listen to you talk about your ex, we want to hear about what's important in your life now. And we hope you'll do the same for us.



Ok, I hope you find this informative and maybe see the situation from another pair of shoes. :-) 

Pushing your limits

So on Octover 22, I completed my very first half marathon!! I can't even begin to describe my excitment or sense of accomplishment. It was such an incredible experience, I've taken the past few weeks to just soak it all in! haha First of all, if you have never participated in a race of any kind, I don't think I can accurately relay the energy, encouragement and excitment. A half marathon is just like that, but on steroids!

I started training for my half when I first heard about it in August. I followed Hal Higdon's plan and it was PERFECT! It broke it into doable pieces, only alteration I made was adding a mile every week to my long run, so my longest run the week before was 12 miles, making 13 fit perfectly into my routine. I ended my training running about 30 miles a week, much different then the three I started out with.

Hal Higdon's Novice Half Marathon Training Program

About two weeks before the race, my cousin posted on Facebook he was looking someone to run his first half marathon with, how perfect! Never having run together, I was a little nervous, but TJ was a trooper and hung with me all the way till mile 10. Amazing considering he is at least four inches taller and six years younger. It made the race go so quickly! We really had some good heart to heart. It's for those moments why I run. It's getting away from everything and just reflecting on life without pressure or anything else to do.

We got to the race start at 7:00 that morning when it was about 30 degrees. I couldn't believe how it took my breath away when I got out of the car. Once the gun went off, my muscles still weren't as warm as normal, this was the first big cold of the year. Pretty sure my body wasn't awake and loose till mile 3. Needless to say, the first few miles were really slow.

At mile 10, TJ took off and killed it! I think he finished in 2 hours and 5 minutes. Like he said, only three minutes short of the world record....for a full marathon. :-) LOL

I put my headphones in for the first time and the following song came on my shuffle. Now tell me how can you not kick it into gear when you hear this? I was dancing the entire time it played.

10 mile song

The last mile, the next song came on. As old school as it is, it is my absolute favorite running song. How does it not kick you into gear? I think I repeated it three times. :-)

Pick it up!

I ended up finishing in 2 hours and eleven minutes, pacing 10:00. Not exactly proud of it, but happy. Especially for my first!

I remember seeing an interview with Kelly Osbourne and she said she never thought she would be the girl who snacked on rare carrots. Well, I never thought I would be that running girl, but I can honestly say I've caught the bug. I literally think about running and look up articles to read about it. Now that, my friends, is sick. There are worst things :-)

Oh! And for my pilot wives, DH WAS in town! Got in the night before :-) How amazing is that? I was a little depressed he wasn't going to get to share in my excitement, along with my uncle, mom and dad.

Ok, I will stop gushing. Let me just encouraging you to make a goal. Then set doable steps to accomplish it. Goals that take work and dedication. Where the possibility of failure is real. There is nothing like pushing your limits and watching them back down.

"Pilot's don't work"

I'm sure I caught EVERY pilot wife with that header! I hope it irratates you as much as it does me. Ok, here is the scenario.

Sitting at lunch with a few former co-workers and a friend says, "Yeah, tell them where your husband was headed yesterday?" (Side note - this happens a lot, actually. I think my husband's travels are cool, so I don't mind sharing. I just try not to be annoying and bring it up first. Only my closest friends are given that privilege!)

So I mention that DH flew from Las Vegas to Honolulu yesterday then had the day in Honolulu today before heading back to Las Vegas.

THAT opened a can of worms, you know because these three 50+ year old ladies know ALL ABOUT the industry.

"Pilot's never work"
"They always have three to four weeks off at a time"
"And they make so much!"

Please people. If we weren't in a resteraunt, my head would have spun and I would have divulged in a 40 minute conversation about the stupidity of those statements. So just to clear up any confusion non-pilot individuals may have, you get to hear it.

The first statement is loaded. For one, please realize that when pilots aren't working, they aren't paid. Just like most people. Plus, they are hourly and that hour starts at take-off and landing. That means commuting to work (typically in a different state), pre-flight checks, loading and unloading of passengers, etc. Lots of hours go into one hour of work.

Second, I don't know many pilots that are off three to four weeks at a time unless they are furloughed, and I have never seen that as a positive. Pilots are home several days in a row, but they are also gone. Away from family, friends and everything familiar. I've never done the math, but if you added up the hours a business, 9-5 man spends at home at night and during the weekends and the hours a pilot does, I'm almost positive a majority of the time, the business man comes out on top.

As for the last point, if they land the right job at the right company, they have the potential to make a lot. For the rest of them, I'll leave you with the article BFF Tyler posted.

Pilots can earn less the airport window washers

I must apologize for the rant. Since it is a little whiny, I'm not going to particularly advertise this post. Just needed to vent a little bit and ask people in the general population to be conscious of their diction. I am guilty of this as well but must always remember that I don't know what battle someone else may be fighting.

First 757 Flight

My husband recently completed his first trip on a Boeing 757. I would say I am so proud of him, but that seems a little too motherly and creeps me out. So, I will simply say that I am ecstatic for him. For as long as I have known him, a whole four years, he has talked about flying that plane. Watching him fulfill his goals reminds me of the things I was so attractive to when we first met. I love his ambition and dedication and I never have to doubt that he will achieve the goals he sets.

The Omni Boeing 757, at least according to Google. Those that are more plane-versed, please forgive me if my research is incorrect. :-) 

My husband's BFF was attentive enough to pull up a flight tracker (I need to learn how to use those things) and snag this Shawn's first flight! Continually upstaged by the bromance, thanks Fries.  :-) But kudos, very thoughtful!

My husband had a free day in Las Vegas, where he proceeded to send me the following picture. I would like to take a moment and mention how much I LOVE  receiving text pics from wherever he may be! 

That is, until I am sitting in my bland, grey cube at work on a rain, cold day and he sends me this pic from Honolulu... 

I'm so fortunate. I have a job I love, married to a man I love that is doing what he loves. This place is just oozing with mushy stuff.

Do I have moments where I feel sorry for myself? Unfortunately, yes. I did, however, just read a short article that made me smile. It talked about the benefits of taking adventures alone and how it helps you to truly learn yourself. I can honestly say that through the past two years, not only have a I learned more about my husband, but I have learned myself and become comfortable in my skin. 

I've always been independent but it's like I found a new strength. I have always attributed it to being married to the right person, the one that makes your strive to be better without pressure or expectations. Now I realize it's also about pushing outside my comfort zone and I don't know what all I'm capable of quite yet.